"Please don't leave me", "I don't want to be with you", "but I love you" were the words that woke me up this morning. No, I didn't leave the television on when I went to bed and no, I wasn't having a bad dream that she was leaving me. Those were the words I heard above shouts and screams around 10:30am from my third floor window. I hurried to the window to catch a bit of the action, only to find a white couple hugging under a tree. Had they made up already? I doubted it. For a split second I thought a movie was being shot beneath my window so I quickly made sure there was no way the inside of my room could be seen knowing full well that I was only in tight boxer briefs and God knows I wouldn't want my business out like that.
I watched this couple for a little longer and in fact, that was all I needed to figure out why they were staging this wonderful romantic drama beneath my window to purposely wake me up. Lol, I do feel that important. The shouts and screams started again and this time the man added, "I'm going to call that man". "I didn't mean to do it", the woman said. That was all I needed folks. The woman had slept with a man and her boyfriend/fiancé/husband had found out and was leaving her. And she was crying after him beseeching him not to leave her for she loved him. How Shakespeare would have loved to witness this act. Or perhaps one of the movie directors in Hollywood or Nollywood and not Bollywood for we all know how their romance ends like – singing and dancing.
I think the man managed to get the other man on the phone and words were exchanged but I couldn't care any less. I just shut my windows, hopped back into bed and tried to crawl to sleep under the covers. Oh what a perfect way to start my day after a 5 hour sleep. I began to wonder whether this was worth blogging about because after yesterday's post, I had come up with other topics I intended to share with my readers. It got me thinking and my thoughts ventured – without a map and/or compass – into the realm of "cheating in relationships". A topic I'm sure everyone has thought about and talked about so I would expect the opinions and comments to flow like water.
When I ask many girls what they would do if their partners kissed or slept with someone else, they reply "I will leave him". And then I ask, but why, to which they reply "because he was cheating on me or he cheated on me". But did he really? I mean if at the end of the day he came back to you and decided you were the one he loved before he had the affair or he was a victim of circumstances, will that be cheating? Let it be clear that I am no relationship expert. So I looked up the word cheat and came up with two relevant definitions: to deceive someone and to be unfaithful i.e. to have a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner.
Let's try and break this down. I fail to see how having an affair is deceiving your partner. I guess it could be if they asked and you lied about it. But then again, what are you deceiving them about? The fact that you love them or the fact that you're having something to do with someone else? Call me old school but I am of the traditional view that relationships are based on love. So then if love is the basis of your relationship, how is it deception when your partner tells you they love you and they really do? I am sure you'll respond by saying if they love you, they wouldn't do what they did. Really? Love's based on that?
The second definition which speaks of having a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner is the reason most people tend to give. Again, call me old school but I am of the traditional view that relationships are based on love. If this definition had said having a relationship with another person other than your spouse, I would readily agree that that is cheating because of love as a basis for relationships. You can't fully love two people at the same time. There is the argument of loving two people at once – that is cheating too. But in this case, it doesn't say the basis of the relationship is love. The relationship outside the one with their spouse or sexual partner is a sexual relationship. Emphasis on sexual. That is all it is – sex. If that is what it is, how is that cheating?
The couple under tree made amends, I am sure, because even amidst the shouts and screams, they were hugging under a tree when I first saw them. Would I get back together with a girl who had an affair and I found out? Sure! Why not? As long as I am the one she's in love with and not the person she had the affair with. I've done so in the past so why wouldn't I? How about this, if it happened once and they told you about it before you found out, would you still leave? One thing I will agree to without hesitation is that the trust underlying the relationship will be deeply affected. It will be up to the defaulting partner to try and raise it back beyond the pre-existing level. This is when the non-defaulting partner may decide to take advantage of the situation. But if you really love each other you will work at it and it will only make your relationship stronger.
I feel it necessary and convenient to leave a disclaimer. Lol. If anyone who reads this hooks up with me and thinks because of what I said they can enjoy a non exclusive relationship solely on their part, don't be misled for I shall leave your ass quicker than passengers at a train station fleeing a bomb scare.
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