Sometimes, or even most times, we take certain decisions which we would rather not take. These decisions tend to affect us and those around us. Some of these decisions are necessary and to some extent, we have control over them. Others, we simply have no choice. One scenario where we have no choice is when the decision is in respect of matters of the heart.
Last night, I took a decision and confirmed it this morning. The decision was to give up someone I am in love with. As my “twin” always says “you love with your heart and not your head so once you fall in love that is it”. I found myself in that situation again recently and instead of learning from my past, I just gave in to my heart. I refuse to believe I did because my head was in it this time. I was a bit more rational but my heart is way too strong.
I can’t help talking to her and when I talk to her, I can’t help letting her know how I feel about her. Initially, it was difficult to let her know how I felt about her but once I said it, there was no going back and I continuously made her know my feelings. Sadly and almost unfortunately, the feeling is not mutual. I’m in the love boat alone and paddling the boat is one hell of a job. So I made a commitment yesterday after thinking long and hard, to cease communication with her and also sever the most frequent communication modes between us. Hopefully, this should work. I haven’t felt bad yet.
I woke up this morning to a tweet from Kanye West: “Not cutting you off, just distancing myself from you”. “How obvious can it get?” I thought to myself. I debated blocking her on whatsapp too and finally decided to do so. Being the gentleman that I am, I sent her an email out of courtesy to let her know I had taken the steps I had taken. My twin was against it but I managed to convince her to see it my way.
Whilst in my car at the parking lot at court, I read an email from the Lawyers’ Christian Fellowship on Ash Wednesday and it immediately dawned on me that I was giving up the lady I am in love with for lent. So help me God; to do what my heart does not want me to do.